i get like this, sometimes.

i get like this, sometimes. i can't read you the time, because my eyes are blurred. i can't hold conversation because the only syllables falling out of my mouth are gasps. i don't want you to see me because this scrunched up frowning painting looks disastrous on my face, and i want you to think i'm pretty.

i get like this, sometimes. i just want to be held. it's okay if we don't talk, or anything. i just want to be close to someone, because if i can't be this way emotionally, i want to experience it physically. i don't want everyone to leave, like they have been. could someone, please, break the cycle?

i get like this, sometimes. i just stay up all night, looking for answers. and when the answers are asleep, i just make up my own. i've been trying, lately, to assume the worst so you can't disappoint me any more than i was expecting, but lately, i've just been fooling myself.

i get like this, sometimes. i wish i was a better person. more patient, maybe, so i could tolerate your long stories and monotone droning about your day. maybe i could even volunteer somewhere, and spend some time bettering someone else's life instead of being so concerned about my own. maybe i could get around to growing up.