may 2009

[may1st, 9:24p.m.]
dad's in ireland. prom's tomorrow. i'm falling behind, and no one seems to notice but me.
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[may2nd, 11:49a.m.]
i'm waiting for my hair to dry. i've been housing all this doubt, and insecurity - and i've been locked inside that house, all the while you hold the key. i'm dying to get out, and that might be the death of me, and even though there's no way of knowing where to go, promise i'm going because i've gotta get out of here. i'd marry asher roth if he gave me the chance, and that's all for today.
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[may3rd, 7:37p.m.]
goodnight.
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[may4th, 10:08p.m.]
i've kind of got a headache. i'm so sick of playing games; make up your mind before i decide to completely push you out of my life. we've got a delayed start on wednesday, and i've got a feeling this week is going to coast right through into the weekend, in which i work both days at seven. i hate my job. i'm so close to buying a car, it's insane. i wish you weren't so naive; i, clearly, didn't have a good time either. is it summer yet?
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[may5th, 9:55p.m.]
so today is cinco de mayo, but i'm not going to beat around the bush - it means very little to me considering i'm white. today has been an all over good day. i plan on having a popsicle for breakfast tomorrow. i'm very good at making birthday presents. there's a gift card for kwik-trip with 7.86 on it in my bedroom. i don't want to go to sleep anytime soon.
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[may6th, 11:18p.m.]
i like thinking, but i'm done with that for tonight.
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[may7th, 9:24a.m. computerlab]
i'm leaving school in three hours. there's seven minutes left of class, but i don't want to go to geometry. i can't wait to go to george webbs tonight and inhale all the second-hand smoke my little heart desires. i hate the smell of cigarettes. i sort of miss you. maybe i'll do this later, but for now i'm not feeling like typing.
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[may8th, 11:05p.m. georgewebbs]
i'm hungry. if you're always in a bad mood, why do you submerge yourself into people having a good time? you're a downer; go away. my waitress is new, it's a little more than obvious.
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[may9th, 11:47p.m.]
i don't exactly plan on going to bed anytime soon. did you know mother's day is tomorrow? i don't wanna let you down, i'd rather let you fall apart.
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[may10th, 10:54p.m.]
i'm very very tired. maggie made brownies. i want a bird tattooed on the inside of my left wrist. i need to go shopping, but not until i buy my car.
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[may11th, 11:18p.m.]
i'm out of a lot of things, like time, and money, and energy.
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[may12th, 10:16p.m.]
i wonder if you'll notice. i need to get to the bank to deposit $76.52. i think i get my paycheck this friday. i'm really not impressed with you at all; you're so set on trying to be cool that you're doing the exact opposite. do you thrive on being the center of attention, or am i just yours? today was weird.
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[may13th, 10:40p.m.]
something is familiar to me about everyone i meet. i'm not one to help others, and i think this is more than apparent. i don't know your story, but the fact that you missed two consecutive weeks does little to add to it. i don't really feel bad for you, and i don't plan on helping you "catch up". you're the one who fell behind, and you're the one who will make up for it. don't drag me down with your sack of homework. i never liked you to begin with. i only spent two dollars on lunch today. i can hear my brother's bed straining under his weight; but he's not going to bed. i only know because his bass is rattling the house. i wish i was brave enough to stay in one place.
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[may14th, 9:58p.m.]
when you step down the fourteen steps into my basement, so does the temperature. i'm tired.
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[may15th, 11:46p.m.]
i don't know why, but all the light-bulbs in my room are blown-out.
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[may16th, 4:32p.m.]
i only paint my nails black now. i'm glad that regardless of the fact that we don't see each other often, we're still best friends. it's so windy out today.
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[may17th, 10:45p.m.]
i can smell your cologne, but i haven't seen you at all in the past year. i always wait to write these, then when i do, i've got nothing to say.
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[may18th, 8:52p.m.]
tomorrow hits the two-month mark on my procrastination of buying a car. i guess in a sense, i've saved three hundred dollars, but i'm not really that practical. and if the silence takes you, i hope it takes me too. i can feel my shin-bones deteriorating. i'm sick of being told to 'suck it up'. i deserve to have a bad day once in a while. i think you're the best coach i've ever had. i'd nominate you for coach of the year, if that award even existed. i think you'd win, by a landslide. the way you care for me almost fills the father-void, and i love it. i've got some things to do.
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[may19th, 10:52p.m.]
in a way, i'm almost glad my season is done. i want to go swimming. i like how i feel after a shower. it hurts to walk.
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[may20th, 9:57p.m.]
i haven't forgotten, i just haven't chosen to remember.
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[may21st, 8:16p.m.]
i'm going to the grocery store with the intent to only buy cookies. you're so needy; it's not attractive. i like using cruise control.
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[may22nd, 6:43p.m.]
i like you, kind of. track sleepover with the varsity girls tonight. i've got to pack.
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[may23rd, 11:58p.m.]
you're extremely inconsiderate. i've noticed the only time i like being around you, is when it's just us. other than that, you try so hard to get the attention of the group that you make yourself look like an idiot. the fact that you invited numerous people to someone's house that he doesn't even know was really rude; i thought you were better than that. i hate when people change plans with me on the extremely last second. you're right, i am "mad".
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[may24th, 11:09p.m.]
happy birthday, billy.
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[may25th, 9:21p.m.]
there is times like now when i feel like i've got regrets. i'm sorry, a million times over. i need to start listening to my gut.
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[may26th, 11:15p.m.]
sometimes, you put me in the best of moods. i'm so glad we're talking again, because you're one of the few people i can actually have intellectual conversation with. i think i've found my car.
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[may27th, 10:55p.m.]
i like having things to do, but when it comes around to getting them done, i'm not your guy. katie is getting married in three days. i feel like i'm lagging. three people want to hang out with me tomorrow, and would it be wrong to try to hang out with them all? sometimes, i just really don't want to sit at this desk.
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[may28th, 9:28p.m.]
and i'm exhausted.
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[may29th, 10:07p.m.]
my leg hurts. i bought some headbands today. i'm sick of people not giving me another chance, but maybe that's hypocritical considering i'm the same way. you're so far behind the curve; i wish you knew how to act. i don't work this weekend, and katie changes her last name in fifteen hours. i can't wait.

--i'm taking a leave of absence.--
i'd apologize to those of you who read this, but i don't think the numbers are sky-rocket, and so it's sort of unnecessary. i'm too busy living to continue this right now, and if you're too busy reading this, maybe you should get on the fast-track to where i'm at. thank you and goodnight.