september 2008

[september20th, 12:42a.m.]
it takes me 4 tries to open my locker. i like running to class. i don't like how my hair looks when i walk. i only know how that is because my mom set up mirrors on each end of our hallway. i secretly want to try out for america's next top model, just to see if i could make it. i hate macaroni, but i crave it at early hours occasionally. i don't sleep well, if ever. i hate going to football games at my school. my dentist's name is candy. i can't have caffeine. i'm the most straightedge person you'll ever encounter, but i try to refrain from smothering you with my views. i talk with my hands. i don't like capitalizing things, but i'm really anal about english errors. mindless self indulgence is my favorite band and i wont be satisfied with the life i'm living until i see them live. i don't like being so tall. i want out of this town; i can't say much is holding me back. i'm working on that entire "self-esteem" idea, but i'm a procrastinator. i love the first day of school. i'm short-tempered. i hate to repeat myself. i love when people say my name on the phone. i love when people go out of their way to say "hi" to me. my favorite color is blue. i like giraffes, i made one out of wood. i've still yet to see a sunrise. i love when people give me small articles; they go directly home into my memory box. i'm more emotional than i let anyone see. i hate walking home alone. i hate walking to school alone. i hate walking to school in the dew - my toes get wet. i'm never late for school. my mom likes when i'm talkative. i like when i'm talkative, but that's about as rare as a wednesday. my favorite number is nine; i draw them weird. my phone number has four sevens in it - everyone thinks i'm a telemarketer. i like sleeping in. i like rereading the things i write, numerous times. i want to meet charlie from the perks of being a wallflower more than anything. i give fairly good hugs, but people don't like hugging me. my grandma traced us back to the cherokee tribe, and i laugh every time she tells me that. i enjoy the personalities that i merge with at lunch. i think a lot. my penmanship is ridiculous. i like waffles, but mom doesn't buy them often. i hate all hot beverages. i like to go strawberry picking. i don't pay attention to politics; i pick whose name i like more. i like singing, a lot, but i don't sing for people. i feel like there is some unwritten rule that you have to compliment someone's singing. i like honesty. there is $12.50 in my pocket. i need to go to bed.
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[september21st, 7:13p.m.]
i can't sleep with my closet doors open. at 4:30 a.m., all the birds in my town wake up and begin singing. for the first eight years of my life, i named every single one of my pets "alyssa". my first name has seven letters, my last name has seven letters, i'm the seventh house on the street, each of my parents are one of seven, and have you seen my phone number? i clean when i'm angry, and that is the reason why my room is constantly a mess. i've been told i have a good taste in music. i don't get along well with girls. i hate when people have me do really intricate, extensive favors. i am in love with milwaukee. i work at a bakery. i hate inside jokes. my favorite scar is from a sparkler. i have a birthmark of a fish - and my sign is pisces. in one hour, i'm getting offline to watch america's next top model reruns. i don't like hannah from that show. she's obnoxious and talkative and insecure; she reminds me of myself. i take near 80% of all my pictures in the same spot, in the same room, basically the same way. i buy my own things. my favorite shoes are my moccasins, 'cept they stink super bad because i went puddle stomping in them. i adore sun showers, end of story. mom's letting me gauge to a six, and that's it. i think that's ridiculous. i use that word nearly four-hundred times a day. my phone bill comes on the 24th. my feet fell asleep during an exam last year, and to turn it in i had to wobble across the entire room. i stay up late on the computer and look for answers. i like that post-secret idea. i want to travel. (!) i can do graffiti with a pen, that's all. i've been so disappointed lately. the one boy who actually understood me is off making something of himself, and i will probably never be able to talk to him again. i hate that my lunch table is on the complete opposite side of the cafeteria, but i love the people there. i want to go to taco bell this week. my sweatshirts grow in the dryer - they don't shrink. i want a chia pet. my dad only buys sprite and coke. i like my hands. i'm afraid of my future; i'm worried about financial things. my boss' wife told me my eyelashes are beautiful, today. whenever my neighbors mow the lawn, i have to. i hate my street after 8:30p.m. the man across the streets name is leslie, but he goes by bud. i don't think he seems like a leslie. the other day i decided i really like the name phineas. i've never played on an xbox360 yet. i'd prefer a mac. my laugh changes on a day-to-day basis. i do great imitations, and someone told me i remind them of jim carrey. i don't like walking, i'd opt to run. i was going to run to work today, though i didn't. when i get stopped by trains, all i like doing is reading the messages sprayed on them. i have a jumbo's gift card; i got it from chloe. i have never gone to jumbo's. the kooks can change my mood within one song. i love reggae. i wish i lived in vancouver, bc, canada. i'm still trying to figure out how to sit "indian-style" in a desk at school. i line-drived a baseball into some girl's mouth when i played softball. i need to go, my sister wants the computer fifteen minutes early. (she happens to want the computer a lot.)
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[september22nd, 9:42a.m., room 245]
ms. burman just walked past carrying a gallon of milk. the smell of newspaper reminds me of my dad's house. my hands are always cold. i can taste the difference in the rolls at work; whether they're fresh, or far from it. i need braces. i want a st. bernard named roman. i wish i had a computer in my room so i could type all my thoughts and store them in a near-infinite base. i know when my mom's home strictly because i can smell her perfume throughout the house. i like that perfume a lot. i can barely see through the window to the hallway because there is such a bad glare from the sun. we ran out of yogurt smoothies today in the vending machine. i paid for a shirt in all nickels once - it was eleven dollars. the kids in this class are really bad at making paper airplanes. today is clash day; i feel like i go to school with a bunch of clowns. i only got "counted" for it because i'm wearing mismatched socks. there's a stain on my shirt. i tried putting my sixes in this morning, but i guess they weren't quite ready. if those trees would get out of my way, i could see my house from here. once, i wrote down all the things that made me laugh for the day, and three months later i still found them funny. that girl who just walked down the hallway sways her hips a lot. there are thirty-one desks in this room. i wonder what's for lunch. i don't like when boys wear rings. every "a" day, between 6th and 7th hour i stand in the exact same spot in the hallway and just observe. i get really good service in mrs. gross' room. i feel bad for her. this chap stick is from my aunt. i hate the word "screaming"; i think it implies too much emotion and volume to ever be paralleled. kayleigh just threw me a deuce. i'm going to be in here for another seventeen minutes. oh, and i have absolutely nothing to do.
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[september23rd, 12:27p.m., room 114]
this is the only room with a mural on the wall. i'm reactive, mostly always. my bedroom door is always shut. there's only one crossing guard i like... and i don't even know who she is. my eyes are different colors. i used to have a gap between my front two teeth so wide you could fit a straw through it. i used to have a lot of freckles. right now, i have five mosquito bites. i'm going to taco bell with joel tonight if he doesn't cancel. i've never broken a bone, only gotten stitches - thirteen - all in my face. this is the first day in near two weeks that i've worn two socks of the same pair. i hate when people ask me to do their homework for them. zach never does anything in this study hall, but he matches really well today. mrs. erdmann has a lot of student's senior pictures strewn throughout this class, and i only knew her last name had two n's because today is "jersey day", and her back said so. i made a ring last night out of hemp, and it's falling apart. the girl who sits adjacent to my desk is reading my favorite book. i forgot to take my medicine this morning. i'm not a fan of that "playful hitting" idea; i hate it. i start behind the wheel on sunday, at nine in the morning. i only buy the chocolate milk at school. i don't know why there's legos in this room. becka gave me four black pens an hour ago. there's ten students in here, including me. ten are reading, excluding zach and i. zach never does anything but twiddle his thumbs and observe this class for thirty-nine minutes. i wonder what he's thinking. (he has mints in his pocket, i can hear them.) my favorite channel is forty-four, but only after 9:00. i probably have somewhere south of fourteen texts left until tomorrow. i don't think anyone reads these, willingly. this is jake's favorite shirt of mine. i'm not sure i can keep this daily thing going very much longer; i'm running out of material. i think mr. sievers got a haircut. i'm exhausted. three more minutes.
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[september24th, 10:02a.m., room 245]
i'm right handed. i don't believe i really have a "bad habit". i'm wearing blue eyeliner. i wrote a paper all about having backpacks with wheels once; the pros, the cons. i think they're lazy, and never have i seen someone look even remotely cool lugging one beside them. i put my right shoe on first. i'm very opinionated. jake's texting me. i like this study hall - only because you can literally do anything. probably eighty-five percent of the sophmore class is wearing red today. i'm wearing purple. : ) this is my sister's shirt, but i like it. my ipod's battery has never completely ran out and died. my phone hasn't been off since i first got it, last december. my stomach hurts. i'd prefer purple or green pen over black. new message from jake. if i'd ever be a teacher, i'd strictly limit it to the special ed department. i don't mean to be rude, but i'd much rather surround myself with the kind of entertainment they bring. that sounds bad. i have two quizzes today. i like writing out numbers, but not in german. i got my sixes in last night, and they're slowly beginning to not hurt anymore. it's wednesday; we have pizza nearly every wednesday. i need to superglue my center button of my phone on, i just broke it off. i miss listening to brand new, with the boy who introduced me to them. in his car. driving. when he'd turn over to me and ask, "what's your favorite song today?" i miss him, but he doesn't know that. i like finding pencils. i don't like when people chew with their mouth open. this is the shortest so far. it's supposed to rain tonight.
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[september25th, 8:51p.m.]
telling me i'm crabby does absolutely nothing to improve my mood. i put on chap stick when i'm bored in class. i'm constantly being complimented on my handwriting; i don't get it. tomorrow's friday, and we're having a pep rally. i'm only excited for the sole fact that classes are shortened. i take off my right shoe before my left. i painted my room all by myself. i haven't hung out with my best friend in four weeks. today, i opened my locker on the first try. i like those five-dollar-bills with the big purple 5s. kayleigh gave me some metal pinchers today. i want to see the ocean. i want to go to new york for spring break. i really don't want to play basketball anytime soon. i feel like going for a run. i don't think i could ever become a vegetarian. i'm surprised i haven't filled my ipod yet. i like juice boxes. today at lunch, we had spaghetti. some girl insisted on coating her entire tray in parmesan. i understand this is wisconsin, but isn't there a limit on how much dairy should be consumed in one sitting? oh, there should be. i almost fell down all the stairs today when i was running late to american studies with katie. michael phelps wasn't even funny on SNL. sometimes, i wish everyone had the same sense of humor; i think i'd spend a lot more time laughing. i feel like drawing something. i'm not going to miss my two favorite shows tonight, no matter what. i prefer to take my pictures in the morning, using the sun as my light source. these italic f's remind me of band class - the one i dropped out of. i forget a lot of things; useless things, but i always remember the bad things people do to me. i think this is the worst entry i've written so far. it's because i'm not in the mood. it's because i'm angry, i'm negative, i want to speak to him. i miss talking to him.
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[september26th, 11:59p.m.]
i laugh a lot when i'm tired. i'd love to have the friends i have now, for the rest of my life. today is the first day in a long time where i've just been happy. i woke up an hour late today. i need to mow the lawn, again. the neighbors beat me to it. i like showers on saturday afternoons. i walk slowly when i really have no where to be; otherwise i'm always in a rush. i'm scared of the dark. i like accents. i adore when people hug me, lift me up, and twirl me around. i don't really like when the holiday clump comes along. i don't like mayonnaise. i'm going to get offline very soon; i have to work tomorrow, and i'm really tired.
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[september27th, 12:32p.m.]
i actually got my work schedule mixed up, and i don't have to work today. i dislike authority. i dislike order. i dislike being told what to do, when to do it. i like making decisions. i kind of wish i could be around some way, even after my death, just to see who shows up to the funeral. i like driving with clay and his mom. i think i'm going to mow the lawn in half an hour. i don't know what i'm going to wear today. i'm going to a homecoming party, underdressed; because i'm not going to homecoming this year. i like being introduced with adjectives. i think i make good first impressions - it's the ones after that that i worry about. i would like a shirt that says, "i ♥ DOL." (because... i do.) i like playing card games with my grandma. i like those big holiday dinners at the o'malley house. i'm kind of hungry. i get really anxious when my phone isn't around. it's not right now. i think if anyone spent more time with me then they do at school, they'd go insane. it's really no wonder people are yelling at me all the time in this house. i like being dependable, but i don't like people depending on me. i can keep a secret. people don't call me anymore. people never really called me. that's why i hate texting; it's a substitute. i wonder if my glow sticks still work this morning. i hate the way bologna is spelt. augustana calms me down. this is the first day in a long time that i've slept in until a double-digit number. there isn't anyone i wish i'd "haven't met"; i've taken a little something from everyone, and they make me who i am today. and i'm starting to like this person i've become. i like hearing music by people i've never heard of before. my old english teacher knows more about me than anyone i've ever met, and he really barely knows me at all. i want him back as my english teacher more than anything. i really haven't been challenged school-wise this year yet. i like lying out and looking at the stars. i wish i'd have never dropped softball. i expect i'll begin repeating things subconsciously, soon.
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[september28th, 8:33p.m.]
i suppose i should get around to this. my favorite board game is life. i am considering college in california; but i really have done absolutely no research on schools there. i learn fast. i wonder what i'd look like with obnoxious-blue eyes. i like to go extreme-tubing with steph up north. i want to grow old to be one of those grandmothers who has a hunchback, knits all day long, and is secretly one of the funniest people you've ever met. i love to meet older people like that. despite common belief, i typically don't enjoy attention. i need to finish my book, glass - i've been on the same page for a week. sometime soon, i'm going to see how long i'd be able to last without being the first to start a conversation. my ccd teacher assigned us to be nice to a "unpopular" kid for the next two weeks. all i know, is that i'm going to feel super lame if someone out of the blue just begins being really talkative and nice toward me. i want some mcdonalds. i drove today! i really like driving, and i don't think i'll really ever be tired of it. i want to keep growing my hair out for a long time. i stain a lot of things. i need to vacuum. i'm not doing anything tomorrow after school, so i like to sit in the cafeteria for a half hour or so until i feel like trudging home. my best friend and i are hanging out this weekend! i want check out that volcano store out in the WB. i haven't watched a movie in a while. i'm tired of wasting my time. i'm tired in general. i'm running on four hours of sleep here.
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[september29th, 12:34p.m., room114]
i'm back in that study hall with zach. he's drawing a picture of something; i can hear his pen scratching all over his desk. i wonder who he's texting. i forgot to set my alarm for this morning. i still like playing with legos. at 7:15 in the morning, the entire parking lot of my school becomes a mess of lights and engines. i part my hair to the right for the sole reason that when i drive, it won't be blown into my face from the window. i don't like dictionaries. i would really like some pop rocks. i'm out of eyeliner. my carpet is green. i like to be barefoot, though i don't like my feet. there's posters taped to the wall behind my head, and every time i lean against them, i hear the tape rearranging. i just got a headache. i kind of wish i could meet some mass group of "new" people, just to listen and absorb them. i fight with my words; my tongue is the only muscle in my body that works harder than my heart. that's my favorite song by brand new. i have to write a paper on divorce, tonight. these paragraphs are lacking point the more i continue to write them. there's three candles in this room, except they've never been used. i don't think they're for appearance-purpose either, seeing as though they're hidden behind the VCR. i think it's stupid when girls put on make-up at school. wyatt's falling asleep. i only mention people in here that i know will probably never get around to reading this. fourteen minutes left. i like scribbling things out. i like the way i write the letter "G". i have never used up an entire tube of chap stick. i like the sound paper makes when it has a lot of ink plastered on it. i just dropped my pen on my sweatshirt. it's really cold in this school. i'm exceptionally quiet today; but nothing is really wrong. i really have no energy to be bouncing down the hallways, greeting everyone i know. trust me, i know a lot of people. i would like a nixon watch. i like writing in capitals, but i often get distracted and stop. wyatt's going to drool right through to the five-hundredth page of that book he's laying his head on. it feels like a thursday. i want it to rain. i work on saturday. i'm aggravated by everyone. i want to talk to someone new, tonight. all the farmer-couples collaborate and swap spit by the elevator in the morning. i always walk by. it's rough. best friend and i are going to try to see nick&norah'sinfiniteplaylist on saturday. i need to clean my shoes. i'm very bad OCD about a majority of things. i'm so glad i have no previous commitments tying up my night. sean's snoring. you know, it's fairly difficult to stay awake when everyone around you isn't. wyatt just got poked with a bunch of pencils. goodmorning.
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[september30th, 9:39a.m., room 245]
it feels like i've got a subwoofer in my chest. i don't typically walk with people in the hallways. i hate answering my house phone. we just had a fire drill. i can't crack my knuckles anymore. i am going to cut my hair soon. i love camping with my cousin meghan; when we become pyros for the weekend. my nails match my pencil. so far, there is no "taco bell" day this week. delayed start tomorrow, then some big dumb sophmore text the next day. i'm supposed to go to dad's this weekend, but i have to work. dad lives in chicago, in a condo, fifteen minutes from the open sore that is lake michigan. i absolutely hate swimming there. ew; tyler is cleaning his ears with his finger. this is that study hall where three of the thirteen insist on firing paper airplanes around the room. this sweatshirt has red paint on it. i collide my words and sentences a lot more often than i used to. i think that's because my mind works faster than my mouth. the foliage is changing. that really is such a misleading word. i like when boys wear long sleeves. danny is from italy, but he moved here two years ago. i remember last year he was on crutches, and he must have gone to the bathroom earlier, because his zipper was open. i'm assuming he was crutching around like that for a while, because when someone told him, he got really embarrassed. i believe crayons are the most universal drawing supply available, excluding sharpies. my favorite-teacher-this-year's name is steve. i like calling teachers by their first name. mr. kerr told me he gauged his ears when he was my age. i think i like him more as a teacher as the days progress. i have a video of him doing the robot on my phone. i feel very elaborate today. i never want my dad to read these, it nearly gives him a free ticket into my thoughts, and i don't want him there anyways. i hate when he says we don't call him; a phone works two ways, you see. this chap stick smells like playdoh. i played with barbies for the longest time. truthfully, i'm still not sick of them. everyone is so loud in here! i think these entries look a lot more intimidating then they really are. when you begin reading, it goes by pretty fast. no thinking required; it's black, and white. the gray areas are left to me.