ripped

i never really imagined that one day would just come along, and we'd start being friends, but that happened. i believe that date was september fourth. timing is irrelevant for this part of the explanation, i suppose, but considering the last week with you has been awesome, i wish that date could have been more logical. i love knowing that i'm related to one of my now closest friends.

moving you in today was such a reality check. i don't think i've been able to avoid you for over two weeks, whether i wanted to or not, and now i have no choice. knowing i'm going to need to wait until holidays or birthdays or family emergencies or 'random' visits to see you just doesn't seem so promising.

sitting in the car as someone punched in 'home' on the gps and we started sailing down the concrete sea and into the universe where the minutes drop rather than rise and we are 'coming home', the flakes from my not-waterproof mascara that i bought thinking that i don't need waterproof because it's bad for your eyelashes and it's hard to get off and how often do i really cry anyways started concentrating rivers down my cheeks. mom started rubbing my arm and asking me all these really obvious questions.

"are you okay?"
"sure."
"do you want to talk about it?"
"no."
"how can we ever be close if you don't want to talk about it!?"
"i don't want to talk about it right now."

i don't know how you deal with being sad, but i get this ridiculous sized boulder, or rock, or something extremely bulky and heavy that sinks far into my throat and just lodges itself in the most inconvenient of positions. also, i don't like to talk about my problems, or missing people, or just when i'm crying - in general.

what am i trying to say? i miss you already.