december 2008

[december1st, 11:01p.m.]
you give me presents, with your presence alone. joel and i had a religion discussion while we sat next to a christmas tree today, and i find that ironic. i tried shoveling today, but i just got so frustrated and tired, i quit. why do i continue to wait for you? i believe i have somewhere short of seven-hundred dollars in the bank right now. i hate how that cut looks on my hand. i'm out of root beer. it's unfortunate, but i think you're right. you can't put these thoughts into my head and don't think i won't analyze it. i don't really have any craving to go to school tomorrow. once march comes around, i'm dropping the job at the bakery and actually getting one that i'd be interested in. i should get to bed soon. i hate going to the computer lab during study hall by myself. i'm talking to that one kid who went off into the military; either it's coincidence, or this is for a reason, but i don't know if i want to wait around to find out.
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[december2nd, 10:12p.m.]
i have less than two-hundred texts left until the twenty-third. i find that really funny, actually. my knee hurts. i need to mail your letter, and i've also still got to write it. did you know that winter break is in three weeks? it is. tomorrow is that delayed start. we have a pep rally on friday - for what, i haven't a clue, but it's getting me out of gym class. i like when you want me around. i want to buy a new coat. i like to drain color from the pictures i take. i'm waiting for you... i have ten dollars upstairs.
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[december3rd, 11:51a.m. room233]
i like to think i've become pretty accustomed to losing people, but i can't fathom what you've gone through. i hate feeling unappreciated. i expect i'll be getting sick soon, considering nearly everyone i live with has been in the past week. don't ditch me. my eyes feel so much nicer when they're closed. i don't know what we're talking about in geometry. i'm working on my vocabulary. i expect to sprain my ankle within the next month.
[continued6:54p.m.]
it's nice that you care, but i'm really curious to find what sparked your concern. i adore the sounds that flutter from piano keys. steve's birthday is on friday, and i didn't know until today. i wish it was closer to new years. i hope i can go to the benefit darfur show. i've lost touch with all the friends i've met over summer, and quite honestly - i haven't noticed until now.
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[december4th, 10:03a.m. room245]
i can tell what cars have slept in garages by looking outside. my hand really hurts. i can't wait to go to ponderosa tonight; i haven't been there since my grandma's birthday party four years ago. i want to go to bed shortly after i get home, because i'm assuming that will be somewhere close to nine. i haven't heard trevor say a word all hour, but i can't say i'm complaining. today is taking forever. i wonder if mom remembered that st. nick is supposed to come tomorrow night. i work both days this weekend; i can't wait to see this paycheck i'll be getting. i just really don't know what to write in that letter. i'm sorry, but i feel like i've got no way to send it. i'll see what i can do. next period is the longest of the day. i don't know if i'm necessarily hungry for lunch; i just want to "people-watch". class is over in four minutes. i hate this study hall.
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[december5th, 10:56p.m.]
i think it would really be a difficult time finding someone who is more easily aggravated than i am. after arguments, i'm out of breath. i found a dolphin ring today, and it's really ugly and uncomfortable. i've got to wake up early for work tomorrow, but i don't really care much to go to bed. i'm going to the mall with tyler tomorrow. i hate how i have no one to confide in when i'm less than happy. i'm getting really tired of waiting around for you. is everyone getting their license this week, or is it just all the people i talk to? if i'm even going to complain about my phone, i had better really soon. st. nick comes tonight. i have ccd on sunday with darlene. i seriously need a haircut.
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[december6th, 9:31p.m.]
i'm home, finally. next saturday i work from seven until five at night; first at the bakery, then at a basketball tournament. i spent two hours driving around milwaukee today. work today was really awesome, and i can only hope that tomorrow comes close to paralleling it. you are really rude and ungrateful. i don't think you recognize the lengths he went to in order to make you happy. i can't believe you're turning your back on someone like this. i would really adore if someone bought me a necklace for christmas. i've got to write a paper tomorrow. i want to watch television, but i think my sister has fallen asleep in the chair upstairs. my hands have been getting cut up a lot lately. kevin said my ankle is definitely rolled, but i'm going to keep playing and practicing just because i think it gives me a step-up on mickey. i started yesterday, finally.
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[december7th, 10:13p.m.]
i was late for ccd today, by half an hour because i was napping. i don't really feel like writing this tonight, because i just wrote a three-page paper on the lord of the flies. i was so sad last night, and i really just wanted to hang up on you and cry, but i didn't. i feel like there's a lot i've still got to tell you, but i've still got to find out what half of those things are. this song reminds me of summer. i think i'm going to see chloe on saturday. i want to drive in the snow, just so i can get a feel for it. i probably am going to read that book i got at church, just so i can figure out where i stand on this topic. i didn't get a haircut this weekend. i've got to get in the shower.
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[december8th, 7:02p.m.]
i'm really not a fan of wasting my time. i'm tired. i've got to get a hold of dad sometime tonight, but i'm really in no rush. my birthday is in three months and ten days. i'm going to the gas station with my brother. i can't remember if i had any homework, but i don't care to anyways.
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[december9th, 11:33a.m.]
we had another snow day today. i'm really glad you've changed your opinion of me. you're so funny all the time, and i love being around you. i don't know where my brother is; maybe he's sleeping yet. i really don't want to shovel, but it's either that - or i fold near three loads of laundry. i've still got time to decide. joel and i are probably hanging out later, considering it just feels like tradition now to hang out on snow days. christmas is in sixteen days. i haven't had gym class in an entire week, and that makes me so happy. mom's leaf necklace is upstairs next to my alarm clock. i like that necklace a lot.
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[december10th, 10:27p.m.]
maggie has already turned off the computer for the night. i think people only read these to check and see if i've written about them. i've got to wait for my hair to dry before i can go to bed. i love joel mchale. it really is nice that you compliment me everyday, but i feel like it's only because you know i'm not available anymore. don't laugh at me. i really love where i sit in science class. i'm thirsty.
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[december11th, 7:24p.m.]
true-life is one of my favorite shows. i'm not getting a nikonp80 for christmas anymore. we're getting a new computer this weekend, and i hear it's got a bigger hard-drive. i'm not really up for dealing with anyone's sarcastic remarks tonight. i wish i hadn't lost touch with you. i miss having intellectual conversations at my kitchen countertop with you. i miss the way you understood who i was, what i was thinking, what i meant. i miss you. there's nothing i can say in this sentence that wouldn't downplay the importance of the italicized. i drove tonight. i like how mtv tells me what song they're playing. sometimes, i hate how protective you are. it makes me curious to know what you truly think i'm all about. i need direction. i don't like reading instructions; i'm more of a visual and auditory learner. i wish i could meet someone from my future, so they could tell me just ten minutes worth as to what i'm doing here - what i'm going to accomplish, someone who'd give me some drive. i wish today was friday. i really need a vacation. i'm no where near close to wanting to visit you. if i meant anything to you, maybe you'd consider the negate. i'm tired of being fifteen. i sincerely wouldn't be surprised if you were bipolar. i didn't really ask for anything for christmas yet from dad, so i can't wait to see what i find under his tree-from-a-box. i'm not making a new year's resolution, and i hate when i go to that mass and they tell me to. quite honestly, i'm sick of being told what to do all the time. i've been overly blessed with the thoughts that occupy this brain of mine, and i think it's only fair that i use them. i can hardly relax.
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[december12th, 6:56a.m.]
the only clock in this hallway has stopped. the boy at his locker next to me smells like smoke; i hate that smell. i got to school this morning at 6:46a.m. i've made today a pajama day. my friends should be here by now. that teacher always sings inside his room in the morning. i'm fairly bored. it's friday, and jackdaily's eighteenth birthday! i don't like her shoes. i didn't really do anything to my hair today. that kid grows facial hair like an ape. i drop a lot of things. i got ready in fifteen minutes this morning, but that's nothing compared to my record. class starts in eighteen minutes. wow, he wears a lot of cologne. i'll just continue waiting.
[continued9:19p.m.]
i've got four-fifths of a grand in the bank. i work tomorrow morning. you know, i really only look forward to work when i know i'm working with you. no matter what anyone says, you have truly been my best friend since kindergarten. outside of my family, you're really the only person i can say that i honestly love. i like to eavesdrop. i notice instantly when i've taken things too far, although i really don't do anything to fix the situation i've created. i hate when i have to turn down other plans. occasionally, i'll start speaking in german. it's not as though i've even got a clue what i'm saying, i just like to pretend. i've started to hate fashion&design. i don't like sharing, usually. i've got to decorate my ears soon, my earrings are in my gym bag. today in study hall, we had a discussion on accents, and how i've got one. considering my stance on the english language, i think i've got a pretty tight grip on how to speak it. my back is sore. it takes me at least two hours to be effected by sugar. i believe in quitting while you're ahead. the only reason we get along is because you praise me like i am the most powerful person you've ever met. i like it a lot. the moon was out on my way to school today. it doesn't feel like a friday.
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[december13th, 6:39p.m.]
i have nothing to say. my mom bought our christmas tree today; i could tell when i walked in the door. i drove to chloe's earlier, and that's currently where i'm residing. wow, i really haven't been here in forever.
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[december14th, 8:40p.m.]
yesterday really wasn't that bad. i finally got my clothes that i ordered from basketball. i want to change my wardrobe. i think it takes me two weeks before i can truly appreciate something. i was researching the latin kings earlier, just because i was interested. now, if i could write a paper on that for english, consider it done. i've got to christmas shop for three people, and that's all i'm doing. i'm not sure that you know when to quit. you know, i wasn't kidding about that haircut; i definitely need one. eleven days until christmas, ninety-three until my birthday. i'm really glad this shed light on that whole situation. i understand the loss, and i'm feeling it too, but i'm glad you know what it feels like losing someone. no matter what happens between us, i don't want to lose you. don't ever tell yourself that i do. i'm fairly unhappy with my body, but i'm not one for dramatics. it's nearing nine. my ankles have been hurting all day. i apologize that i didn't know it was you on the phone. it's because i haven't heard your voice in months. i miss you. i really need some chap stick. i'm the first person to finish that project in fashion&design, and now i get to move on and make a pillow. i wasn't kidding when i said i'm starting to hate that class. i got out of ccd tonight, because we were going caroling and i thought that was a waste.
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[december15th, 9:59p.m.]
it blows my mind how you can be that mean to someone, and completely bypass their feelings just because you don't feel the same way. i'm honestly disgusted with you, and don't think for one minute that i'll help you get out of this. these blankets used to sleep on the couch in that house in illinois. i don't know when they came out here, but i've just seen them today. i don't know if mom went to sleep, or if she's still on the phone, but her words cease to flutter into this room. i'm very behind with everything. i hate turtlenecks, on everyone. no matter the circumstance, they remind me of poetry readings. i want to believe in you. in a couple years, you're going to be all i've got left, and i need to keep you around. something's wrong with me tonight. the water bottles in the garage are partially frozen, and when you drain them the ice collapses. my fingers are cold. i don't like waking up. today was flooded with information. one week until christmas break.
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[december16th, 5:57p.m.]
we're selling my flute. now that i think about it, i really do quit everything. you're not impressing anyone. exactly one more week until christmas break starts. you never cease to amaze me, and not in a good way. i'm shocked at how ignorant you are. the last thing i'm about to do is side with you. grow up. sometimes, i just hang up because i get sick of hearing the dial-tone. maybe it's a bad time to admit that i don't know what i want for christmas. i think it's safe to say i'm exhausted. i think dinner is here.
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[december17th, 10:33p.m.]
i've figured out that it's only after i know how to spell your last name that i truly know you. i am pretty sure i give the best advice. wow, i have really bad razor-burn on my right leg. tomorrow, it's exactly three months until my birthday! my back hurts. i really want that bigger hard-drive. i want to know what’s for lunch tomorrow. majority of the people i've talked to say we won't have school on friday due to the expected twelve to fourteen inches. i'm really hoping that's rumor, because you've excelled too much to turn back now. i went to brandon's wake today; it's really hard to watch such an accomplished and successful eighteen-year-old just wither away. it's surreal, to say the least. i wish i could do more for people. i want to set some goals. i'm assuming you've forgotten about me. i didn't finish my homework.
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[december18th, 10:12p.m.]
i'm really on top of things as of today. i'm freezing cold. i don't work this weekend, and as of right now, tomorrow is looking glum. well, i've really got nothing to say; someone spilled disappointment all over the place.
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[december19th, 3:59p.m.]
change of plans. i'm anxious to hang out with my basketball team tonight. snow day today; kevin was right. i'd really enjoy a salad. i'm supposed to fold the laundry, except i think i'll wait. what's going on with you? i feel like i don't know you anymore. i feel like i never have. i like making myself laugh. after a while, i become accustomed to living without something. at that point is when it is a bad idea to bring it up again. the other day i got told, 'stop analyzing'. in my opinion, if you argue well, you don't need physical strength. i suppose it's a bad idea to let me 'think about it', which i just so happen to be doing right now. i feel unimportant today, and i'm lonely. we're out of milk. i'm sorry to disappoint. two days left of school until christmas break. i had a chicken patty for breakfast today, and it was cold in the middle. i'm curious to know what is exactly going on with my hair - not that it's messy, because i'm at fault for that. i need a vacation. ashley just invited me to the nutcracker for tonight. whether or not i go is beside the point, i just enjoy being invited places. i should probably start getting ready for the day, it's already 4:30p.m.
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[december20th, 5:28p.m.]
i like to see my family. i'm worried about how this'll work. i got like four hours of sleep last night. my socks match today. i haven't seen you in forever. we're celebrating christmas at aunt liz's five days early. i'm not hungry. my brother and mom were sick today. if you gave me a second, i could fall asleep.
[continued9:13p.m.]
i haven't charged my phone in two days. i'm really in no rush to accommodate for you. i think we're going shopping tomorrow, and i think i want to drive. you treat me like a younger sister. sometimes, it's almost nice, but other times i get really frustrated with you. it's difficult to know when you're kidding around. i hate when my sister texts me from upstairs. i'm on a time limit. i'm waiting for a phone call. dillon got his texting cancelled. i can't wait for christmas at grandma&grandpao'malley's house. i'm not trying to impose on your life, but i'm just curious as to where we left off. i've got a goal-list for tomorrow. it's extraordinarily hot in this room.
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[december21st, 11:40a.m.]
it's sunday. giving me five minutes to get ready in the morning does not fly. i'm fairly bored, and i've got nothing to do until mom comes home from this "breakfast" that has seeped into the afternoon. this is the only pair of jeans in which i use the front pockets. it scares me that you're stronger than i am; a lot of things about you scare me. i think i should start on my list for things i want to accomplish in 2009. in three days, i've got to print all of these out and give them to mom for her christmas present. it's going to be weird when i don't need to write these anymore.
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[december22nd, 9:10p.m.]
i like getting what i want. i smell good. i have really got some things to say to you. some things that really need to be straightened out before i can continue on like this. i am not about to put myself in this situation again, and i need to know if that's what this is, right now. i hate studying, so i don't. as rumor has it, we're running the mile in gym class tomorrow. in other words, twelve laps around the gym. i'm really sick of second-guessing everything in my life. i hate weight-lifting. i wish you hadn't changed how you treat me. i used to love seeing you, now i am near to hating it. i love hearing nice things people say about me. i'm going to bed at 10:30p, no matter what. i need to take a shower. i wonder if you forgot about me. jake takes his driver's test tomorrow. i learned a lot about life, today. i need to get in the shower. i've got two tests tomorrow. i love being around you; you always make me laugh so hard. i wish the temperature would rise.
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[december23rd, 9:16p.m.]
it's christmas eve's eve. i can't stop giggling. this hood on my coat is huge. i haven't laughed this much in a long time. that is a very ugly hat. i love the way i've been laughing today. i'm actually excited for next year.
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[december24th, 4:44p.m.]
i haven't even gotten ready yet. i'm going to chicago tomorrow for christmas at grandma&grandpao'malley's. it doesn't feel like christmas to me. i took a nap from one to four, today. i am very very good at wrapping presents, but don't tell anyone otherwise they'll make me wrap theirs. i'm still clueless as to what we're doing tonight. i forgot to take my medicine this morning. well, no - i didn't forget, but i was too busy working and setting the christmas scene for the entire town of slinger to take my medication. i think i'm starting to lose my voice, but everyone says i sound "cuter" with a raspy voice. i thought i was snotty on occasion, until i met you. you give being rude a whole different perspective, and i hope i never ever grow up to live like you. i can't imagine being mean all the time. there is eighty-three days until i get my license. happy birthday, michael. i love ten at night in the winter; it's when the sky matches the ground. merry christmas, mom.
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[december25th, 11:58p.m.]
i know i said i wasn't, but i'm continuing. in chicago, the snow is black. i can't watch commercials for horror movies by myself. ever since you insisted on ruining our friendship, i really have no urge to patch things back up with you. in case you haven't caught on, i'm not a huge fan of second chances. i haven't been to mcdonalds in a long time. i've got nothing to say to you. right when i think you're done, you turn right around and surprise the both of us. maybe this sounds stupid, but would the plural of computer mouse also be mice? my my, i'm extraordinarily rude right now. i've had enough of this for now.
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[december26th, 7:54p.m.]
you're annoying me. i've got to wrap some presents i bought today. shopping today was like waiting in line for superman, all day. i'm definitely not a fan of black friday. i can't believe you expect me to want to help you, especially with how you've treated me all day. i know my way around the mall and at no point should you second-guess my directions. spring break is looking up, again. i work tomorrow, and sunday. i really hope barb doesn't sign me up to work during the week next week, i'd really like some time with my friends. i'm very irritable at the moment. i love cruising. a boatload of my friends are going to london tomorrow for band, and i don't know how long it will be until i hear the end of that. i still haven't gotten a haircut. next summer is going to be phenominal.
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[december27th, 9:59p.m.]
today has just been one huge spur of the moment, and i can't say i'm complaining.
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[december28th, 8:26p.m.]
it's more than saying i'm disappointed. i have a feeling new years is going to be less than expected. i don't really want to go to practice tomorrow. i've got a thirty-two dollar check to deposit, and i think that's funny. i'm in the process of rearranging my room. we still don't have a sound card in the computer. i'm not going to be shocked when my phone fails to ring tonight. i like planning pranks at work with you. i hate when people return my call with a text. i really hope i left my jersey at school, because if i didn't - it's definitely missing in action. i really hate today.
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[december29th, 9:37p.m.]
my face has been red all day because the salt streaming down from my eyes is irritating my skin. i really need summer. i'm almost done rearranging my room. it really hurt when i wasn't asked to go out to breakfast, too. lately, i've been feeling really unimportant, and that just filled any doubt. my throat hurts from all the rocks that have been in it today.
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[december30th, 10:52p.m.]
we must be in the right lane because the signs on the side of the road are nearly hitting me in the face. bright eyes is music for those whom actually listen. you grow up faster behind the curtains of this town. i deserve so much better than you. i'm sick of always being right. there are somethings i just wish i'd be proven wrong about. i had george webbs for breakfast this morning, while my brother had his jaw broken. my two hour bus ride home is over.
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[december31st, 4:47p.m.]
i can see the church parking lot from here. realization is setting in. i'm not going to wait around for you. this is really some new years.. my heart hurts. i wish this effected you more. he snores so loudly. i'm curious as to know who keeps taking laps around the church. i'm waiting for my camera batteries to charge. i think i'm hanging out with billy this weekend, and i'm excited because i miss him a lot. i've made my goal list for 2009 because rather than giving something up, i'd rather benefit myself.